What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 15:49
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What great song was "ruined" once you really listened to the lyrics?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why should the law care about what I do behind closed doors?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
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Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
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He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
What is the naughtiest fantasy that you've lived out?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As a woman, what would be you response to a male friend’s offer of a full body massage?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Ive learnt so much.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
When she asked me how she looked .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was 9 years of age.
I don,t even have a pension.
What is the problem between Turkey and Greece?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do Democrats never produce a good argument for why Trump was a bad president?
I was seconnd youngest,
I couldn’t, believe it.
And i lived it daily.
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But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I think the readers, may guess!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My family never makes their pension either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is soul school!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I will be 64.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I never cut or harmed myself..
Comes on , in middle age.
But, we were locked up after school.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was scared of men, in general
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im still living with it.
She loved him until the end.
My life is so biszare .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I have no regrets .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Who then, do I blame.?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Would this be the day?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I said to her
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We were not on the streets..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One cannot live in the past .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We all went to grammer schools
She found it foreign!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
All the time i was locked up.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She married twice! .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So, i spoilt her more .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But it wasn’t much.
Put me off passion for life!!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He knew the spot.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Especially a lifetime of it.
It was going to be , some day.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was very sick at this time too.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I write beautiful poetry .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She wouldn,t have been !
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was in good health!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
(And it was in our own minds.)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So whats the point in blame.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why did i forgive my father ?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What did i know ?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I waited trembling.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.